Where There's Smoke Page 2

  “Thanks. I appreciate that. I’ll remember when my doctor isn’t available.” I laughed, trying to add humor to this conversation.

  Karl only harrumphed, not sounding too amused. “Myles—”

  “Listen, Karl, I know what you’re going to say. I told you, I’m not ready for anything right now.” That was a lie because if Santiago came back and asked me to jump, I’d say ‘how high?’

  “I know, I just…” Karl hesitated and sighed into the phone. “I wanna help you, Myles. I’ve known for a long time I might be barking up the wrong tree, but I can’t help myself. I’ve been attracted to you since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

  Karl was a good-looking guy. About ten years my junior, fair skinned with hazel eyes. He had a nice build, sexy body, but he wasn’t…

  Santiago.

  And never would be. Karl could have any man he wanted. Seemingly, he got off on chasing me.

  “I… yeah, well. As much as I appreciate that compliment, I’m not interested. Look, can we talk some other time? I’m busy. As a matter of fact, I have a meeting in about ten minutes and I’d like to grab a cup of coffee before I head in there.”

  “Okay. Can I call you around seven or eight?”

  “Yeah, sure. I should be home by then.” Another lie, because I was having dinner with Garrett and his wife. They’d insisted I come out and be social since I’d become a hermit.

  “All right. Have a good meeting. I’ll talk with you then.”

  “Okay, will do.” I hung up the phone and rolled my eyes, cursing the day I gave Karl all my personal information. He wasn’t quite a stalker, and really, I liked him as a friend, but he didn’t seem to get I had no romantic interest in him. I thought putting some distance between us would make him take the hint. Instead, it was the opposite.

  What would it take for him to let up?

  Chapter Three

  Santiago

  After Jonas and I made love, I hurt in all the best ways, ways very few men could manage. No one knew my body better than Jonas, so I let him nap while I checked on my couch.

  Although my body protested my sudden movements, I left the bedroom and sat gently on my sofa. I was grateful we’d moved our romp session to the bedroom because anymore activity might have broken the legs on my precious vintage settee. Looking at them, I figured it to be fine. I searched the wood for any cracks, splinters, and saw nothing showing it could have been damaged.

  Once I finished, I propped my feet up and opened my book. Just as I was about to settle in, my phone played the tone I’d only reserved from my ex.

  Myles.

  Even though we weren’t together anymore, I kept it. World in My Eyes was sexy. Romantic. It also fit Myles to a tee.

  Talking with Myles could be tense and rile up old feelings, but I couldn’t ignore him. Especially since his mother and little Macy were family.

  With baited breath, I put down the book and reached for my cell on the table. I said a small prayer, hoping this phone conversation would stay positive.

  “Hey, Myles.”

  “Santiago. How you been?”

  Hearing that deep, rich voice, I smiled. I loved Jonas. He was my everything. But no matter how good things were with Jonas, there would always be a place for Myles in my heart.

  “I’m good, you?”

  “Same. Working hard, taking care of Macy, Momma, and of course Myrna. 3 M’s. Only one of them makes me freaking miserable.”

  My smile turned down. “I’m sorry. I wish Myrna would get help.”

  “Yeah well, my sister thinks she’s Superwoman. Anyway, I didn’t call to complain. I wanted to hear your sexy voice and tell you I miss you.”

  And there it was. The comment that reminded me of the heartaches in Chicago. I hated that talking to him brought it all back, but guilt would consume me if I hadn’t picked up.

  “That’s nice, but…”

  “You’re a taken man. I wish you weren’t, baby. After you left, I didn’t think you’d rush into a relationship so quickly either.”

  “I didn’t rush. We dated for a couple of months before I asked him to move in. Besides, I was lonely and …” I bit my lip and looked around at the beautiful apartment I shared with my man. I’d explained to Myles many times why I shacked up with Jonas, but he couldn’t believe that I, as a victim, needed someone.

  “He’s helped me heal and treated me with kindness. Jonas was exactly what I needed. He’d been so patient with me.”

  “You deserve that. I just wish you would’ve held on a little longer.”

  I grit my teeth, thinking of that last conversation we had. Nothing I said mattered.

  “You didn’t want me.”

  “I did, but I refused to hold you back.”

  “Then why should I have waited?” The more we chatted, my body tensed. My Adam’s apple bobbed in my throat.

  We had this conversation at least once a month.

  “I − fuck, baby. I screwed up. I didn’t think dating long-distance would be a good idea. Remember, my mother was in ICU. They said she didn’t have long, and Myrna was pregnant.”

  “I know.” I gripped the ends of my robe and pulled them tighter around my body. “Myles, even after the attack, I wanted to be there for you. Why should I have turned down an opportunity to be with someone else?”

  “Santiago, I get it. Really, I do. I understand. I wish it wasn’t fast, that’s all.” Myles sounded exasperated.

  “Yeah. Well, I’m happy it was. Jonas is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love him, he loves me. We both have big dreams and intend to make good on them.” Although it was mean, I had to make the statement. All that said, I did really feel for Myles, but affirming my relationship with Jonas quelled my own desires. I’d fought with the conflicting feelings for a while, but they didn’t seem to disappear.

  “I … I see.”

  From the slight hesitation, I could tell I’d shocked him. Nervous about what more he’d say, I nibbled on my bottom lip again and re-crossed my legs. I yanked at the throw on the other side of the sofa and pulled it over myself. “Look, I’m sorry, Myles. I still care about you, but I’ve moved on. I really want us to be friends, all of us. I asked Jonas if it would be okay for you to bring Macy by. I really miss her.”

  “Of course I will. It’s a long drive, but I’d make it a million times to see you. Hearing you mention her and saying you still care, gives me a little bit of life.”

  I could hear the sadness in his voice. The warring emotions tore my heart into shreds. I closed my eyes and shook my head, wishing I hadn’t picked up the phone.

  I’d just made love to my wonderful man, so why the hell was I talking with my ex?

  Stupid, Santiago!

  “Please, Myles. Don’t do this. We need to end this conversation, all right? And besides−”

  “I know you’re about to say it’s time to move on. People said the same thing when Pierre died. And I did. Then I met you. Santiago, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me besides Macy. That little girl is the only ray of sunshine I have. I want us to raise that bundle of joy together.”

  Listening to him voice my desire, I dropped my head. I enjoyed holding her when she was first born. Although Myles tried convincing me to stay with him, I just couldn’t pull myself together to get over my fears.

  “Myles. Don’t use her to gain leverage, okay? I do want to see her, but, we can’t be together. You’re a very handsome man. Successful, talented, smart. You’re a catch. Any man would want to be with you.”

  “But I don’t want any man.”

  “Myles,” I said his name again. Why I continued to put myself through the torture I really didn’t know. I was a second from pushing the disconnect button because the emotions stirred inside me like batter being whipped in a high-speed mixer.

  My mind played the scenarios of a happy home with Myles, Macy, the house in the country, picket fences, two-car garage and the swing-set in the back. All the antiques I could want, t
he flower bed with red roses and multicolored tulips, Christmases in front of the fireplace. The whole damn gamut.

  But, I could have all that with Jonas and another baby down the line.

  Myles was my past.

  Jonas was my now.

  My future.

  “Myles.”

  “Santiago, think about it, okay? I’ll let you go. My business partner is here giving me the eye so that means phone time is over.”

  Thank God.

  I was glad about that because I truly didn’t want to hang up on him. “All right. You take care of yourself and kiss little Macy for me. Please bring her to see me, okay?”

  “Yes, but it would be better if you came up here. Alone. Anyway, chat with you later. I love you.”

  I grimaced when Myles gave me that last comment. I wanted to say I love you too, but that would add fuel to an already burning fire. Dammit, why did I answer the fucking phone in the first place? I knew the minute Depeche Mode played old feelings would be drudged up like the bones the dog buried in a backyard.

  I sighed to myself, trying to think of the right response. I had to be nice, but I couldn’t say I’d be going back into town because I had no intention to. Too many memories there.

  The wounds were still open.

  Fresh.

  Visiting Myles would be like ripping off Band-Aids.

  “No, I won’t be back in Chicago soon. Bye, Myles.” Then I pushed the button, tossing the phone on the side of me. I ran my hand through my hair and pulled at the ends until it hurt.

  “Fuck!”

  I leaned back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. Visions of what could be with Myles, then with Jonas, played back to back in my head.

  As I said, I couldn’t go backwards because my future was Jonas.

  I wouldn’t allow Myles to disrupt the happiness I’d been enjoying for almost a year now. Although I loved Macy as my own, Myles and I could only be friends and that was a fact he’d have to accept.

  * * * *

  Myles

  When Santiago hung up, I continued to stare at the phone. I’d intended to rattle him to get him thinking about the possibilities of us being together again. Grasping at straws, I know. Right now, it was all I had.

  “You’re a glutton for punishment, aren’t you?”

  I placed the phone on the cradle and looked up at my partner, Garrett. His lips drawn up so tight they appeared to be sewn together.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You call Santiago all the time, telling him he should come back. He won’t, Myles. You need to meet someone new. What about that Karl guy?”

  “No.” I sat up straight and moved the files aside on my desk.

  For a straight guy, Garrett could talk to me about my dating life with no problem whatsoever. We’d been friends through college, so I supposed he was used to it.

  “Why not? He’s, uh, well, he’s good looking, young. That’s probably what you need, right? Even if you just used him for the physical stuff.”

  I looked up at Garrett when he made that comment. I smirked. “You mean, sex?”

  Now that look turned from angry to nervous.

  “Listen, although I appreciate you trying to play matchmaker, I’m not into him. For anything. Sleeping with Karl would throw all the wrong signals.”

  “How so?” Garrett asked.

  “It might give him the idea I want a relationship.”

  “Just make it clear in the beginning that you don’t. There’s nothing wrong with some casual booty regardless if you’re straight or gay.”

  I snickered and leaned back in my chair. “True, but he isn’t the one to have it with. He’s already chasing me. Having sex will only complicate things.”

  “As if talking to Santiago isn’t?” Garrett replied incredulous. “I mean, you’re aware he’s with someone and you’re playing home wrecker.”

  “Hell yeah, because I still love him!” I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing I’d snapped too quickly. Then, I sighed. “I’m sorry, Garrett. I love Santiago. A lot. I wish I’d never let him go.”

  “But you did. It’s time to move on. You did when you lost Pierre. You can do it again.”

  “No I can’t.” I got up and turned to look out the window again. The sight of the sun dipping below the clouds was beautiful, even here in Chicago.

  “Myles.” When Garrett called my name, I didn’t bother shifting to face him.

  I shook my head, folding my arms. The guilt of failing Santiago gnawed at my gut like a rat biting scraps. I probably should’ve taken him up on the long-distance relationship, but I wanted him here next to me. Not a hundred miles away in some hick town. Besides that, I didn’t want to leave Chicago and Santiago wouldn’t live here because of the assault.

  “Thank you for being a friend. I’m only telling you the truth of how I feel. It was hard moving on from Pierre, it really was. This was just as difficult. Knowing he’s there within my grasp, waiting −.”

  “But he isn’t. He has someone,” Garrett interjected.

  “Doesn’t matter. There’s no way Santiago loves that guy more than me. If he’d truly moved on he wouldn’t admit to still caring about me.”

  “He said that?”

  “Yes, he did. That comment automatically shows there’s a crack in that commitment. You don’t tell your ex you still care if you’re that happy with your current.”

  “Dude, you’re grasping at straws. Santiago’s a good guy. What is he gonna tell you? He hates your guts?”

  “He could.” I harrumphed and unfolded my arms, leaning one hand against the glass. The chill from the air felt good against my palm.

  “Why would he?”

  “Because I dumped him.”

  “He knew you were going through things.”

  “Yeah, Momma and Myrna, who still need me. Then, there’s Macy. But I need someone too.”

  “Someone new.”

  “No. I need Santiago and I’m not gonna give up on getting him back.”

  Garrett sighed in the background. If there was one thing he knew he couldn’t do it was change my mind once I’d made it up.

  “I told you not to let him go in the first place and give things a chance to calm down.”

  “I didn’t, okay? “

  “So, it’s too late to make amends. He moved on. You should do the same.”

  I grunted and stuffed one hand into my pants pocket while the other remained planted firmly against the glass.

  Talking about letting go was frustrating me because I didn’t like to concede anything.

  I could be the best lover because I could juggle a man, a baby, Mom, and even my sister. Having that one special person in my life could make even the bleakest situations more bearable. I’d learned that lesson a little late, but I was sure things would be easier now with Mom doing better.

  “Thanks for the pep talk, Garrett. Was there something you needed?”

  Garrett chuckled. “Nothing. Just be ready to go out tonight. Sherri’s picked this nice restaurant and then we’re going to a wine tasting.”

  I snickered. “She’s determined to get me a date, hmm?”

  “Yep. So be ready at seven.”

  I heard the steps fade behind me, then the door open and close. I continued to look at the sun drowning in the clouds and my heart went right along with it.

  I didn’t want anyone new. I didn’t need any wine tastings or foo foo dinners.

  All I needed was Santiago at my side.

  Then all would be right in my world.

  * * * *

  Jonas

  “Babe?”

  When I touched the space next to me, I shivered from the chilly sheets. Santiago had been there, with me. I should’ve known he'd go busy himself with something else. Typically, he didn’t like sleeping too much because he’d have a nightmare and jolt out of rest. The doctor prescribed sleeping pills, but Santiago wasn’t fond of taking them.

  Still tired, I slowly rose from the mattress
and stretched my arms out over my head. When the cool air from the AC sent a chill over my skin. It reminded me I’d fallen asleep in the nude.

  “Brr. You’ve gotta have it on high, don’cha?” I inched up, feeling the glorious aches in my back, arms, and ass. I slipped into sandals and dragged myself out of bed. I grabbed my robe on the back of the closet, then headed to the antique couch where it had all begun earlier this afternoon.

  “Santiago?” I tied the robe around my waist even though it was too small. It had been a gift from Santiago and I refused to get rid of it.

  “I’m right here.”

  I turned the corner and waltzed into our living room. I eyed my beautiful man on the sofa, holding a drink, perhaps his favorite, scotch, and a book.

  “You didn’t want to sleep with me?”

  Santiago flashed me a smile. “I wasn’t ready for a nap.” He placed both items he’d been holding on the table in front of him.

  “Writing?”

  “More research and some reading. I’m having a bad case of writer’s block, so I stepped away.”

  “Oh.” I lowered myself down on the sofa.

  “That’s right, take it easy.” Santiago laughed and rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s a good thing you’re not bouncing on this thing. It creaked a little more than usual. It doesn’t appear too broken, but I might have Mr. Sumpter come take a look at it, anyway.”

  I grimaced. “Babe, it should be fine. I don’t want that old gay hatin’ coot in our house.”

  “That ol’ gay hatin’ coot can fix a couch though. I told you to ignore his little comments. We pay him well to fix some of my antique pieces around the house and he’s the only guy in town that knows about this one.”

  “I don’t think that’s the case. If we looked more, we’d find someone else.” I shook my head and leaned back on the paisley print sofa.

  “In this town of old fashioned, church folks, I seriously doubt it. Look, I’m sorry that he’s the only guy in town that deals with antiques, but don’t worry about him, okay? Nothing he says means anything. The same with what the pastor says, the lady at Strack, or the Bible thumping ladies that stand on the corner giving us the evil eye. You were born here, so you should understand that better than anyone.”